Stratum Ten Field Excursion: Peregrinazione alle Radiazioni

The omnibus swiftly made its way down il Connettore as the Jung Tecnocrati sat in giddy anticipation. Master Stoddard and Aliyah Bernal chuckled at the strains of “She’s A Rainbow” intermittently poking through the radio static.
  Upon arrival at Tech the group stared up at the cylindrical, windowless structure. Stoddard beamed in awe.
  The 5-megawatt heavy-water-cooled research reactor was known for producing the finest of epithermal neutron beams. The ‘Techno’s’ felt quite privileged to be granted access.
  Inside the containment building, a tour of the operations floor and control room commenced.
At the shielded window of a nearby hot cell hung a pair of telefactor arms. (An inspiration for a future Orville™ project, perhaps?)
  After a thorough review of the facility, old Professor Auensen piped up: “All this radiation is making me hungry!”

The Techno’s made a quick jaunt over to the Gri CV for a midday repast [Glorified Steak, Ring One, and an F.O. for Master S.]. The field-service-style paper caps given out were a hit with the group, and were quite different from the Tyvek® variety worn at the reactor.
  As the bus cruised under the bright sun back to the academy, Prof. Auensen realised the day was only half over. How to kill time?
“Hey everyone, who feels like ice cream?”
And so the bus pulled up to the Piazza Mercato del Traghetto del DiGiovanni where the students and Techno’s filed out and marched into the Gelateria del Barone Biskin for refreshments.

After enjoying a satisfying scoop of “Irish Meadows” (though it was inferior to the homemade version at Creamy’s), Stoddard popped in next-door to Trulet’s Music Shoppe.
In the cut-out bin sat a Stereo-8 cartridge by The Nü Hotdog Hour Trio. A score for any music aficionado.
  The bus trundled back to the academy and the remainder of the school day was spent recounting the day’s events.
Afterwards Master Stoddard made his way over to the West Bank to share his musical find with Son of Smiling Walt.
Un grande giorno: Radiazioni… gelati… canzoni…
What’s not to like?

Projecting Alpha: Standards & Stereotypes

Stratum projections based on stylistic trajectories of accoutrements and social cues utilised by Alpha Aspirant type [Aα2] (as opposed to Alpha Actuel type [Aα1]):
• Stratum 5 societal std.: Don Juan manqué.
• After-effects of 20 strata PoMo march renders Machismo concept into pejoration.
• Bio/evo impulse conflicts with cultural programming, resulting in cognitive dissonance. The concept comes full-circle, minus the marrow.

By Stratum 44:
• Machismo will be subjective.
• Yesterday’s Gold Chain is tomorrow’s Compliance Collet.
• In the future, everyone will be macho for fifteen minutes.

Commemorative Edition Orville™ LV-2r Package Unveiled

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

In observance of the Orville Corporation’s 30-year anniversary, a commemorative edition of the original Orville™ LabVac-2 will be re-issued as a limited-run series available in retail/wholesale and industrial/commercial markets.
  The original LV-2 was the 10th Stratum successor to the LV-1, a failed tech demo with major design flaws:

[The LV-1 was a similar vacuum unit that featured a directional headlamp in the event of power failures. Unfortunately, since the unit relied solely on an external power source, a power failure would render the entire unit useless.]

The LV-2r features twin “waldo”-style removable telefactor arms for use manipulating the hose assembly and cleaning head.
  But the standout feature of the LV-2r is the “boombox”-style console interface entertainment system. Updated and improved, the re-issue includes mp3/USB docks and a digital streaming receiver in addition to the “classic” AM/FM receiver and stereo cassette deck.
  Headphone options are unnecessary as the audio signal is channeled through the vacuum’s impeller unit, so the vacuum/“boombox” twin decibel outputs operate as complements in tandem.
  Back in its day, the LV-2 was very popular in the custodial engineering community. Orville™ is confident that the “face-lift” of the LV-2r will bring a smile to old pros while winning over new converts.

Orville™ LV-2r
Power: 1300 Watts
Capacity: 9.8L
Weight: 6.8 kg
Cleaning reach: 36.8 m with RC remote control
Filter: OrVex + HepaSuc-3
Combined Sound Output Level (SPL): 105 dB

Commemorative Edition Orville™ MMW-1r Package Unveiled

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

In observance of the Orville Corporation’s 30-year anniversary, a commemorative edition of the original Orville™ Mobile Motorised Wastebasket will be re-issued as a limited-run series available in retail/wholesale and industrial/commercial markets.
  The MMW-1 was indeed a breakthrough in its day, and was a vanguard in applications in systems engineering and the sanitation arts.
  The MMW-1 re-issue features a polished brass plaque with laser-engraved autographs of Johnny Gutts and the late Mark Hall, Orville’s own “brain trust” who both helped to catapult the corporation to unmatched success in wide-ranging fields using cutting-edge technology.
  The MMW-1r is ideal for lab work, hazops, kitchens and nurseries alike.

Orville™ MMW-1r
Volume: 95,425 cc
Max. Velocity: 43.4 km/h
EPA est.: 66 km/l
Hwy. est.: 83 km/l
Fuel Tank Capacity: 1.89L
• Foot-pedal lid access
• RC remote control
• Lab-tested

Say It With Hair: “Freedom Means Letting Yourself Go”

Ladies of Classic City have long rejected the oppressive aesthetics of beauty foisted upon them by Mainstream Culture.
  A particular trademark feature that these women of a certain age sport is the anti-style expression of their hair: Graying frizz, unbound. Sometimes thin and scraggly like an aging Riff Raff, but more often a thick and dull coat like ruined mohair. Think of Bea Arthur’s shrubbery, if you will, but in terms of acreage.
  Okay, enough with the visuals. What’s important to note is that these bold free-spirits take a brave stance with quiet fortitude against “The Man” (and maybe even “The Woman”).
  But they are “getting up there,” to put it politely. The torch needs to be passed on to our younger sisters. But many younger women today don’t consciously disdain aesthetics. No, they are just unaware of the concept in the first place. Still, they are too young to make their hair do those crazy things. So how do we show solidarity with our older sisters?
  Johnny Gutts has the answer: The Freedom-Do™.
  The Freedom-Do™ is a hair prosthesis that reproduces the exact “look” fancied by Classic City’s elder stateswomen.
  Gutts, Regional Merchandising Manager for the Orville Corporation’s Beauty Division, has worked with cosmetologists, wig designers and other hair professionals to develop this cutting-edge, yet classic lifestyle product.

The Freedom-Do™ comes with a variety of features and benefits:
• Full coverage with strong and durable base cap
• Easy to rat
• Orvalon™ and Prima-Z sustainable fibre
• Washing unnecessary (not that anyone would)
• 5 varieties of “salt & pepper” blend
• Also available as 50-cm clip-in hair extension

Coming soon to Classic City…
The Freedom-Do™
“Freedom Means Letting Yourself Go”

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?: MMXII

“Yes. Again.”

GWC2D:Y2K+12 is a made-for-television movie about the trials and troubles of one Mrs Corbett.
Mabel Corbett, a sweet-natured senior suffering the harrows of dementia, is taken aback by the influx of college hooligans to her gentrifying neighbourhood. Her tokens of hospitality are soon taken advantage of by the clamourous co-eds, much to her confusion.
Through the miracles of social media, grandson Johnny Gutts receives a mysterious notification. What will happen?

Cast:
Mabel Corbett as Herself
Kitteny Bradford as Herself
Blake Henderston as Himself
Johnny Gutts as Himself
...and introducing
Jefe de Allende Mateo as “The Gardener”
DIR: Johnny Gutts

They’re building one downtown. Is that cause for alarm?

There was a time in the county when Joe Bloggs had a good idea and could open a business and if he did a good job of providing whatever goods or services in that business, he could succeed. It was part of the American dream.

Name one good reason
  No longer does it matter if you have a good idea, a good reputation, good prices or a good location.
The Allied Pungeoning Front wants to open a pungeonary. In the past it was the BubbaCabal who got their hackles up over the prospect of local pungeonaries. Today it’s BärteHansa who is circulating a petition around town trying to stop the APF from establishing one anywhere.
  Back in the day the excuse given for opposing this was that it would cramp the Cabal’s local robber baron “bidness” interests, though the argument had lost most of its bite when one found out that the Pink Boys contesting it had pungled innocent citizens themselves.
  Currently, why does BärteHansa think it okay to ban pungeoning in the face of an acceptable majority-sanctioned entity? Just because they think they have dibs on “quality of life” issues should they try to stifle justice being brought to the community?

They Don’t Want ‘No Stinkin’ Pungeonary’
  Look at the list of projects that BärteHansa has been opposed to: Such “nair-do-wells” as Eastside Pungeonary, the proposed Downtown Pungeonary, the Ghetto Prescriptionary, Bio-Mart on the Heritageville Road and an Orville psychological adjustment facility out near Furley Square Mall.
  BBACBL and Bad Gaijin had been mafioid splinter groups that harassed independent thinkers in their time. But look at the threats to the area’s psychological health that BärteHansa has recently been pushing: the new InfoToxin Dispensary on Barney Scholl’s Road, the Vibrancy Estates down by the Augean Lodge, and Megan’s Sustainable Cupcake Shoppe just to name a few.
  Instead of old BBACBL tactics like Pleboid Gutter Manoeuvers and windscreen smashing, we get innocent-sounding fronts like “People for a Better Classic City” who hijack public input sessions with Self-Centered Public Gushing against imagined corporate poodle-bobbers and other forms of Ego Activism.
  One could suppose that, if the public is sympathetic toward BRTHNSA’s incessant nannying, then we are all quite satisfied with their opportunism and the dystopic paratonic outcome: the dumbing-down of everything cultural, peanut-paying jobs and an imminent psychological wasteland.
  But we are not.
  The public is very much in favour of a downtown pungeonary, given the pressing mental underload of local bêtise arts.
  And the public is weary of the hijinks of BärteHansa’s wannabe radical epigones. Their “direct action” tactics most surely will backfire and the APF probably won’t have to get actively involved.

A Passive Solution?
  One guesses the whole situation could be summed up by something Johnny Gutts once said: “Why pungeon someone when they’re eventually gonna do it to themselves?”